Poems, Thoughts

(i’m sorry)

i never pondered about why
your eyes always drooped low
ringed with dark circles, wrinkles that cut deep into
your skin like agony slit your heart in blades,
i question the reason for your submissiveness
you don’t seem any different from years before,
but i learnt you hid things
from me so i can soar to where i am now
at a stage where everything is crystal clear
we were all never happy,
because we grip onto short-lived happiness
or search happiness in the wrong places
because you chose this life out of obligation
full of compromises with effects
that seep into my life now,
i ask myself why i have to face this
if only you made a stronger stand
against what i have now learnt to avoid
for the rest of my life
but i can’t blame you
because you weren’t taught
to be fierce enough
and make a decision
to teach the misogynists
how to treat a woman

but i shall take the lead today.

— Parveen Maghera

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Poems, Stories, Thoughts

Pastiche of Fabrics

I had always thought this world was beautiful… wait, it has always been… but what kind of beautiful world it is when people act like they understand us when they actually don’t? What happens when this form of false understanding becomes the basis of our relationships with people, even the closest ones like our families? When we say, “I completely understand”, do we… really? Our experiences are personal and can only be understood by us. The articulation of our own experiences are just mere representations. The use of the language binds us to an arbitrary system of squiggles, strokes, marks and random sounds to explain our feelings of pain, happiness, sadness, anger, confusion, jealousy and anxiety. How can just a word like “anxiety” encapsulate the understanding of how anxious I am feeling? Even if you experienced anxiety, how can you understand my anxiety when I experience it completely different from yours? The reality we live in are like a pastiche of fabrics made up of these misunderstandings that we believe to be true. But no one complains, because they were never destructive to begin with. What is the reality of humans then? We humans yearn for companionship, love and connection. We are social beings. No matter how much we want to be left alone, our minds seek for conversations, like how we speak to ourselves when deciding on what to eat for dinner. Loneliness is hurting. You listening to my rant even when I know you don’t identify with my experiences is liberating. And I think this is what makes life beautiful because we humans try our best in our struggles, love, hate, differences, frustration and stress to sew humanity together. Our unity is never innate. We are stitched together by the threads of humanity that loop our lives into the social fabric that we react to everyday.

This effort is beautiful.

Humanity is beautiful.

– Parveen Maghera

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Poems, Thoughts

The 7th Day

what’s with this restlessness

every night

that doesn’t vanish by morning

when the sun rises

you’re happy

to be alive

to be able to move

but you leave your house feeling a little sleepy and moody

and get to work with a drag

but you leave your office feeling relieved

and look forward to dinner at home

and the following nights seem all right

mornings thereafter seem slightly better

but finally on each 7th day

the restlessness arrives again

that lasts till the morning

you get to work with a drag and yawn every hour

but you’re relieved when you step out of the door

and then all seems fine till

that 7th day

why

 

– Parveen Maghera

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Poems, Thoughts

An (Un)necessary Post

I’ve been oblivious

I’m sorry

But what happened,

can you tell me?

Where did I go wrong

What were our faults

It was just a conversation

I dare not ask you more

But I need to go back there again

And you will go deeper into your emotions

But why did it happen

You miss it very much

No, perhaps not,

What you did was for a reason

And you’ve succeeded after so much troubles

How could you be mean to yourself?

You put me in a fix

Did I not treat you well?

How can I be better

If you also don’t help yourself

Your wife said let it out

You did but you are not satisfied

I can tell that

Why do you say you are not worth it

When your very job interests my friends

I did not tell you this

How do I?

I cannot handle this emotional confrontation

That’s why I speak through the written word

Not that you will read this

But I’m going to post this anyway

 

– Parveen Maghera

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