Poems, Thoughts

An..xiety

What is going to happen, the inner voice asks, and another jumps in almost immediately and uncaringly with the message of doom. The chest feels heavy, and the throat is clogged. And when incessant biting of the lip follows, you know that only you can tell yourself that all will be fine, because only you know what anxiety feels like, when it comes to you.

– Parveen Maghera

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Poems, Stories, Thoughts

Pastiche of Fabrics

I had always thought this world was beautiful… wait, it has always been… but what kind of beautiful world it is when people act like they understand us when they actually don’t? What happens when this form of false understanding becomes the basis of our relationships with people, even the closest ones like our families? When we say, “I completely understand”, do we… really? Our experiences are personal and can only be understood by us. The articulation of our own experiences are just mere representations. The use of the language binds us to an arbitrary system of squiggles, strokes, marks and random sounds to explain our feelings of pain, happiness, sadness, anger, confusion, jealousy and anxiety. How can just a word like “anxiety” encapsulate the understanding of how anxious I am feeling? Even if you experienced anxiety, how can you understand my anxiety when I experience it completely different from yours? The reality we live in are like a pastiche of fabrics made up of these misunderstandings that we believe to be true. But no one complains, because they were never destructive to begin with. What is the reality of humans then? We humans yearn for companionship, love and connection. We are social beings. No matter how much we want to be left alone, our minds seek for conversations, like how we speak to ourselves when deciding on what to eat for dinner. Loneliness is hurting. You listening to my rant even when I know you don’t identify with my experiences is liberating. And I think this is what makes life beautiful because we humans try our best in our struggles, love, hate, differences, frustration and stress to sew humanity together. Our unity is never innate. We are stitched together by the threads of humanity that loop our lives into the social fabric that we react to everyday.

This effort is beautiful.

Humanity is beautiful.

– Parveen Maghera

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Poems, Thoughts

Unspoken

This anxiety
A fear unspoken
Tightens my heart
Impeding my ability
To breathe
It’s difficult to act out
What you preach
When you fall into
A hole where all you see
Is darkness
Enveloped with fear
And anxiety
Nothing else
Perhaps if you control your mind
The ladder out of the hole appears
But will the fear and anxiety bury you deep
Till it’s a blank slate
And you forget what it’s like to be happy
What did it mean to be yourself
It’s time you make a pretence of your reality
Under the watchful eyes of those around you
Whom you can hopefully trust
To save you from yourself

– Parveen Maghera

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